Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
