I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize