I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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