Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize