i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
