dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
