HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
