Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
