i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
