He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
