there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
