If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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