I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize