i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
