I'm gonna have a badass scar
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Are we still banned from the library?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
