I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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