i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
