i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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