I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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