I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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