You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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