Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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