yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
