someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
