yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
