what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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