Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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