When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
