I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
