omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
