There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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