This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
