I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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