i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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