whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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