$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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