WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
