his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
