I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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