I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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