After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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