Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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