i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This baby is an asshole
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
