she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I party with great urgency now.
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