oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize