so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
