An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
