Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
