paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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