now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
