What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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