You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
