I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Small penises have feelings too.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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