break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Randomize
