If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
