I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
