im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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